hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
