At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
