dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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