I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
