PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
