I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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