We're facebook friends in real life
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
