I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
