I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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