while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize