I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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