the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
