I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
