Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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