Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
