if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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