Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
