I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
