sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
