New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
