Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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