So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
