I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
