Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
