They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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