Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
