what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
