He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize