he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
