If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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