apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
