She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
