i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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