I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are two peas in an std pod
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
