i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
