It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My feet surprised me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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