***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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