I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
