Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
