...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
