i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
