He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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