your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
