Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
