girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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