Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
