My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
