Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
