I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
