I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
