They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
