Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
