I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
