I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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