I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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