I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
