My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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