My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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