I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
