I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
