I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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