i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
