um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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