Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize