Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
