Say something about gay babies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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