I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
