high people should be assigned attendants
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize