It's Friday. Sex?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My bed smells like the plague
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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