I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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