We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
