1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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