It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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