I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't turn off my feet"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
