gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
