As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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