I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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