no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
