If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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