I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
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