Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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