Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
