I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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