can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
