I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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