I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
