so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
