I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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