Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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