They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
