OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
