I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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